What It's Really Like to Share Your Life Online

Let's start by acknowledging that the premise of sharing your entire life online is a bit wild. Why would anyone do this?

In my case, I started this newsletter fifteen years ago to share free home organizing tips and promote my small business. For years, the only people who read it were my mom, my good friends, and my modest roster of clients (thanks, guys). I felt comfortable sharing photos of my own home, real-life examples, case studies, and sometimes vulnerable (but relatable) anecdotes from my life. I quickly realized that the more personal and specific my writing was, the more people connected with it.

What began as a tiny newsletter has grown steadily, with my work and home featured in larger outlets—and over time, my writing has found its way to a sizable global audience. This public sharing comes with both great rewards and real costs. Let's dig into the good, the bad, and the major takeaways...

Photography by Vivian Johnson

The Good

Positive Impact - Perfect strangers from all over the world tell me that my work has improved their lives. This is the whole point.

People Are (Mainly) Kind - While there are always a few outliers, the majority of comments and feedback I receive are encouraging, thoughtful, and genuinely kind. This positive energy fuels me to keep going and do more work, knowing that what I share makes a real difference in people’s lives.

I've Made Actual Real-Life Friends - Some of my best friends have come from sharing my work and life online, which is honestly incredible. I’ve connected with extraordinary people I never would have met otherwise, and it’s been a gift to expand my personal and professional circle in such a meaningful way. People feel like they already know me (and in some ways, they do), which often fast-tracks new connections and relationships.

I Receive Feedback in Real Time - Those who know me know I love a good poll. I’m able to ask my community for feedback and learn from their responses. My recent post on ChatGPT sparked a heated discussion in the comment section, which prompted me to dig deeper into the environmental and ethical implications of using the tool. When readers approach me thoughtfully, it can be incredibly informative and eye-opening.

Having Zero Secrets is Oddly Liberating - I’ve never been a private person, probably because I grew up hearing my grandmother say, “Secrets will make you sick.” Perfect strangers have seen every nook and cranny of my home, learned about the things I struggle with, and even followed along when my daughter Emilie was hospitalized with a mysterious lung condition.

For years, I carried deep shame about my father’s death by suicide—it felt like lugging around a giant bag of rocks. But opening up about that loss, and the heartache that followed, connected me with a sea of strangers navigating their own grief and made me feel far less alone.

The Bad (and Sometimes Ugly)

People Take What’s Not Theirs – Well-intentioned strangers have sent me websites where other brands and businesses use my work and even images of my home (!) to promote their own without permission or credit. It’s impossible to keep up with, but a real drag—especially for my photographer, Vivian Johnson, whose work is often used without being licensed or compensated.

Being Misunderstood Is the Worst - Over the course of my career, strangers on the internet have made bizarre assumptions about me, and I've desperately wanted to protest, explain, or defend myself, but I've learned that it's a giant waste of time to argue with every person who gets the wrong idea about me or my life. Allowing people to be wrong about me is an ongoing journey for me, but it is getting easier.

Surprise! It's Impossible to Make Everyone Happy - Perfect strangers (thankfully, a tiny fraction of my readers) occasionally express disappointment when I don’t share their exact ideology or values. If I say something even remotely political, I get backlash from a vocal few. If I remain silent and “stay in my lane,” I get angry messages from another small subset. One woman even told me she planned to burn all of my books because I took a public stance against racism and discrimination. So now she’s racist—and short on reading material.

Eek, I'm a Sensitive Flower - The truth is, these comments really hurt (well, maybe not the book burner). Even though they make up about 0.1% of the feedback I receive, they tend to stick. I’m a deeply sensitive person and often wonder if I’m cut out for such a public life. I’ve spent sleepless nights replaying critical words from people I’ve never met or composing imaginary responses in my head. Jordan has gotten used to reminding me that the critics are a tiny minority compared to the thousands who find value in what I share.

I don’t think I’ll ever grow the thick skin some say is required for public life. Instead, I try to put my best work into the world—knowing I can’t please everyone.

The Takeaways

Hold Your Tongue - You will never have the last word with an angry stranger on the internet, and it's not worth your time. When you receive criticism that stings, draft your response if you must, but wait 24 hours before sending anything. I've learned that 99% of the time, I'm grateful I didn't hit send. Remember that engaging with negativity often just amplifies it. The algorithm loves conflict, but your nervous system doesn't. Ask yourself: "Is defending my ego more important than maintaining my peace?" The answer is almost always no.

Focus on Impact, Not Approval- If you plan to have a public voice, accept that there's no pleasing everyone. The bigger your platform gets, the more dissent you'll experience. This isn't about you—it's simple math. When 10 people read your work, maybe one disagrees. When 10,000 people read it, suddenly 1,000 might have issues. Remember that criticism often says more about the critic than about you. Keep a folder of positive feedback to revisit when the negative voices seem loudest. And try to separate constructive criticism (which helps you grow) from plain old meanness (which you can safely ignore).

Set Clear Boundaries - While my two daughters are my greatest joy, you'll never see me sharing their lives online. I also limit what I share about friends and family—they never asked for a public life. My rule of thumb: if someone hasn't consented to being part of your online story, leave them out of it. Your audience doesn't need every detail of your life to connect with your message.

Create Guardrails - I protect my sanity by not reading reviews or comments on massive platforms where I have no ability to respond. Create specific times when you engage with feedback rather than being constantly available. Consider having a trusted friend or team member filter comments and only pass along the constructive ones.

Be Selective - I carefully choose whose opinions I truly value. Create an inner circle of trusted voices whose feedback matters to you—ideally people who understand both your work and your intentions. My inner circle includes my husband and brother, a business coach, and a handful of dear friends. When receiving criticism, ask yourself: "Is this coming from someone whose opinion I respect? Not all feedback deserves your attention, regardless of how loudly it's delivered.

Stay Mission Driven - I stay focused on my original goal: to make a positive impact by helping people gain clarity, clear clutter, and take action. I only post content that aligns with this mission—content designed to inform, inspire, and uplift. Before sharing anything, ask yourself: “Does this serve my audience or just my ego?” Create a mission statement for your online presence, and use it as a filter for everything you share. Leading with generosity, rather than seeking validation, ensures both you and your audience benefit from what you offer.

Through it all, I remain deeply grateful for this community we've built together. Your encouragement and support have made this wild ride worthwhile in ways I never could have imagined when I first hit "publish" fifteen years ago.

🔎 READER QUESTION: I’d love to know - any challenges or topics you’d love to see me address in an upcoming post? I’m mapping out my next batch of content and would love to know what’s relevant for you!

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Fun Listen: I had the most fun talking about wardrobe editing, changing bodies, and finding your style on the brand new Closet Philosophy podcast - listen here.

Event! Berkeley: Thu 5/15, 6pm - The Art of Enough: From Clutter to Clarity. In conversation with author Elizabeth Husserl. RSVP: berkeleystudio@dwr.com

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