My (Very Honest) Guide to Not Losing It Completely
Real-life mental health strategies that actually help
Meditation and bubble baths are not my jam, even though I know they’re beloved by the masses. When my father died, I signed up for therapy, hired a life coach, and joined three different suicide loss support groups. My brother took a solo trip around the world for a year.
We all grieve differently, we all process emotions differently, so it’s up to each of us to find what actually works for us. In my most recent book, LifeStyled, I encourage everyone to curate a personalized mental health toolkit—a tough-times survival kit you create before you’re in crisis. Think of it as a gift you can give your future self: a ready-made set of strategies for navigating grief, loss, or just everyday overwhelm. Here’s mine:
Talking My Face Off
I process feelings by talking openly with a tight inner circle of people I love and trust. It’s taken me a lifetime to be comfortable with emotional vulnerability, but honest conversations are my number one coping strategy.
Writing
When I’m not talking, I’m writing. I write daily—for myself and for work—and find it deeply cathartic to get my thoughts out of my head and onto a blank page.
Crying In My Car
After my father died, I felt self-conscious about my grief and spent a lot of time listening to sad music and crying alone in my car. It helped. A lot.
Moving My Body
Walking, spin classes, my beloved power yoga, or anything that gets my heartrate up and endorphins flowing feels like medicine.
Nature Break
Staring at the ocean or walking in nature makes me feel small (in a good way) and gives me a much-needed sense of calm and perspective.
Cleaning Something, Anything
When the world feels heavy, I strip the bed, put on fresh sheets, tidy my bedroom, or do a quick vacuum. Creating order in my physical space gives me a sense of calm and control like nothing else.
Unplugging
Sometimes a digital detox is all I need to reset my mood. 24/6 by Tiffany Shlain and Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport offer practical, realistic ways to break the tech addiction and use screens more intentionally.
Comfort Food
Whenever I got sick as a kid, my dad would bring me hot and sour soup from our favorite Chinese restaurant. It’s still my go-to comfort meal. Honorable mention: ice cream straight from the pint. Ill-advised, but sometimes necessary.
Rx and Therapy
I’ve tried all the therapy, and a few years ago I started taking a low dose of Lexapro for generalized anxiety—at the encouragement of people who love me. It’s not a magic bullet, but it’s helped take the edge off and has been a positive step for my mental health. I’m sharing this because stigma around therapy and medication adds unnecessary shame and suffering for so many.
Reader Prompt: What’s in your mental health toolkit? I’d love to hear your go-to strategies for managing stress and finding comfort when life gets overwhelming.
Watching: The Billy Joel documentary So It Goes on HBO Max - I grew up with his music and fascinating to learn about his complex life and rise to fame. I wept!
Reading: Little Bosses Everywhere: How the Pyramid Scheme Shaped America - journalist Bridget Read tells the story of the history of the multilevel marketing industry. Riveting and juicy!
Fewer Better Finds: a bunch of beautiful dried florals, a pesto-inspired luxury candle (!!), the cheek balm I make all my girlfriends get, and I love my new blue-light readers.
1:1 Business Mentoring: No-fluff strategy and support to help you tackle your large and small goals. Get support here
My Signature Online Course: Learn how to edit, organize, and elevate your home like a pro. To the course
Curated Product Recs: My fewer better faves for your home, life, and wardrobe. To the recs
I Wrote Some Books: Actionable strategies to clear clutter, get organized, & elevate your home and life. To the books
Order LifeStyled now from your favorite bookshop! bookshop | target | amazon | barnes and noble | signed copies - now available in the UK, Australia, and New Zealand
When my dad died I wanted time to stop. I was grateful he wasn’t suffering anymore, but kept thinking of all we would never share together (especially when it came to my kids who were 2 and 5 months at the time). He never got to meet my 3’rd child, a son. My coping was to stay busy and do one thing at a time. Having children so small did not allow my life to stop like I wanted it to. But having a purpose every day kept me going. That purpose doesn’t need to be children either. During the winter I would shovel my neighbor’s driveway. Small acts of kindness goes a long way in your own healing.
Shira, you are the most eloquent and open writer. My spirit is always uplifted, validated and inspired by you. You provoke such deep thought about my own life and how I can float effortlessly through each experience. I look forward to your email and feel like I have a best friend whom I’ve known forever.