How to Not Feel Busy All the Time

Simple strategies to create more ease

Hi from JFK! I just wrapped up my annual retreat for female founders followed by a few days with Chloe in Manhattan. In a span of two days we saw three shows, celebrated a dear friend’s birthday, met up with as many family members as we could, and snuck in some of my favorite spots (Chalong, Borgo, Via Carota). It was exhilarating - and I’m exhausted.

Everyone I know is busy. Not just busy — breathlessly, frantically, insanely busy. Maybe it’s the phase of life (building families and careers), maybe it’s where I live (the center of the tech bubble), but it’s starting to feel like the norm.

Making plans with a friend has become a logistical project. Scheduling a meeting requires days of email tennis. Every client inquiry I receive contains the word “overwhelm.”

Most of us want something to change, we're just not sure how. Busy has become a habit. Maybe even an identity? I love a full calendar but like anything, it can reach a tipping point where I have to recalibrate.

Here are my top strategies for getting out of the busyness spiral:

Photography by Vivian Johnson

Schedule Blocks of Nothing Each Day

Yes, really, nothing. Even thirty minutes in which you get to decide exactly what you want and need: read, get some air, catch up with a friend, lay down and be still - anything that feels like a meaningful reset. If that sounds luxurious or unrealistic, it's probably a sign that some tough cuts are overdue.

Stop Saying “Yes” When You Want to Say “No”

People-pleasing is an inauthentic way to move through life, full stop. Nobody wants to let people down, but a clear “I’d love to, but my plate is full” is always better than agreeing to something through clenched teeth that you really don’t have the bandwidth for. Overcommitting and dropping the ball helps no one. Being honest about your capacity is a form of respect, for others and for yourself.

Start small: practice a gracious “no thank you” when the stakes are low — declining free samples at a store, or swag at a work event. Promise it gets easier.

Define Your Connection Cadence — and Honor It

In my latest book LifeStyled, I walk through how to organize your social calendar around your values and capacity. It starts with one question: how often do you actually want social plans — with friends, family, colleagues, and community — versus time alone to recharge?

Here’s what mine looks like as an example:

• Solo time — at least one hour per day

• Family dinners — four nights a week at home

• Quality time with Jordan — one date out of the house per week

• Friends — twice a week (a walk, coffee, lunch, or dinner)

• Bigger social events — twice a month

Once you hit your weekly or monthly capacity, you can push new plans to when things feel lighter. Think of your connection cadence as a north star — it keeps you from drifting into overcommitment or even burnout.

Build In Transition Time

Ever found yourself breathlessly stumbling from one thing to the next? You probably didn't schedule buffer time. I build in a minimum of fifteen minutes between calls, clients, and meetings — ideally thirty. It makes a significant difference.

Unplug, Completely

We weren't designed for a 24-hour news and information cycle. If your brain feels like it won't slow down, take a tech break for as long as you're able. An hour helps. A full day can feel transformational.

Find Perspective in Nature

Nothing offers instant perspective and humility quite like staring at the ocean. Get yourself to the nearest body of water, trail, or patch of trees and focus only on what's directly in front of you. Your nervous system will thank you.

Banish “Busy” From Your Vocabulary

Busy has become shorthand for worthy, productive, or successful. But research shows that even talking about stress makes us feel more of it — and "busy" works the same way. The more we say it, the more we feel it. Try dropping it from your vocabulary for a week and notice what shifts.

Reader Prompt: What did I miss? Would love to hear your strategies for getting off the busy train? Please share in the comments.

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